waking up rested after a long week
waking up from good dreams for once
finding quiet in myself
driving on almost empty streets this morning
being the first one into the gym
helpful folks at the health food store
paying old library fines
new books to fall in love with
postcards from zaadzsters
putting songs on repeat
digging my guitar out of the closet
sweet potato fries (though only in my head)
big salads with sprouts and tomatoes
the smell of cucumber and bell peppers
clarity that comes out of nowhere
smiling as i plan for the future
talk of many roadtrips to new places
plans to make the kids smile at school
writing out some overdue letters
making a little art, pushing the paint around
driving with the windows down (and the stereo up)
being open rather than closing myself off
You.

tell me about your good things =)

It's funny how easy it is to forget that we can affect our own mental states.  It's also easy to forget the effect that outside sources can have on those states.  For instance, I drive a long way back and forth between school and I am a complete music junkie.  Lately I have had some life changes going on and have been trying to make sure that I don't get into a "funk."  Last week I realized that I had been listening to really angsty, depressing music for hours everyday, with no thought as to the impact it was having on me. So, I switched up the CDs and just like that, spirits lifted.  Here are some especially great lyrics, courtesy of Blackalicious (off of the album "Blazing Arrow"):

Pontify wrote in his blog the other day about passion and it got me thinking on the same subject.  You can read his entry over here and this is my favorite part:
"Passion is seeing the hidden soul of a person, place, thing or event. Passion is reaching for something you don't know but believe is there. Passion loves for the sake of love.  Passion is emotion in action. The person who asked me to write something about this topic, is passion.  Passion is an unequivocal drive so consuming as to necessitate sacrifice."

Apart from words in a dictionary, what is passion?  I don't pretend to have all of the answers, but I will tell you what I believe:

Simply put, passion is a fever, a burning.  To truly have passion is to be willingly set on fire and scorched by the intensity of your own beliefs and emotions.  It is an unstoppable fervor of the mind, heart, and soul.  Furthermore, we would not choose to stop it even if we could because, regardless of the suffering it may cause, we are completely caught up in it.  In passion, the line between pleasure and pain recedes from our conscious mind as we direct all of our energy towards the object of our attention.  We will undoubtedly experience pain in the pursuit of our passion but this is more than acceptable.  In fact, it is the very nature of the word: "strong or violent feelings of emotion."  "Violent" does not refer here to harm to another but simply emotional intensity that rattles our very core.  In the face of all this we must remember to, as Che Guevara said, "endure without losing tenderness.

We experience passion in many ways.  Lately, this is a word often used to describe feelings of love and lust towards another individual.  This does not do the word justice.  "Passion" can indeed be applied to relationships but it is a fallacy to say someone is passionate simply because they love you or are energetic in bed.  In love, passion can manifest as a burning that realigns our priorities and makes our lover, or the pursuit of a would-be lover, the focal point of our thoughts and emotions.  Passion can connect two individuals in their love for one another and the pursuit of a joint dream for the future.

Passionate feelings are not limited solely to our interactions with other human beings though.  We can experience passion in the form of a calling to a particular vocation or path in life (and this can go hand-in-hand with passion for a particular person).  This passion is the result of our having come to some limited measure of understanding regarding how our time on this earth should be spent.  Knowing this, and carrying this fire inside of our hearts, it is nearly impossible to turn our backs on our callings.  The pursuit of our life path will be intense and often will involve suffering, but to refuse to pursue our passion would result in a decimating suffering of an even greater magnitude.  To deny what one's heart knows would be the greatest fallacy of all.

The word "passion" has become watered-down and thrown around too lightly these days.  The reason for this is clear though: it is a dangerous word and concept when one fully comprehends its implications.  To live with passion threatens the status quo of the present - the automatons in the assembly line of our society, doing our parts without complaint, existing without living.  Even the very definition of "passions" belies this threat to the norm: "strong feelings or emotions as an obstacle to civilized conduct or rational behavior."  Those words bring to mind a quote by Epictetus: "If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid with regard to external things."  Our actions may not make sense to others, but still we must follow our passions.  Our passions are a threat because the intensity of them overrides our regard for social norms and conventions.  Whether in passionate love or a passionate calling, the chattering drone about rules and expectations falls by the wayside.  We no longer care.  There is something more important at work, deep within our souls.  An indisputable truth that we ignore at our own peril:

We are on fire.

Some people enjoy watching scary movies because they like that adrenaline rush, that "worked up" and on-edge feeling from the thrill of the unknown.  I don't need to watch those movies though because I try to walk hand-in-hand with those feelings just through the way I live my life.  There is exhiliration and joy to be found in every day.  That incredible feeling of just being alive... do you know the one I'm talking about?  Where your skin is tingling, the air around you seems to almost crackle with energy, and you realize that deep within yourself you have been saying an unconscious prayer of thanks and gratitude for being able to experience so much?

I try to swim in this feeling as much as possible, and carry the effects of it wherever I go.  One of the scariest and most amazing thoughts that passes through my head is "I can't believe I'm doing this!"   I have felt it in so many places but here are a few that I will always remember:
--rockcliming in Tijeras, New Mexico
--playing in national volleyball tournaments
--hiking a snowy California mountain.... in flip flops
--ziplining through the Costa Rican rain forest
--jumping off a bridge in Florida
--36 straight hours of mayhem in New York City
--middle-of-the-night trips to New Orleans
--experiencing zero gravity
--12 hours of nonstop dancing at Ultra in Miami
--cross-country Greyhound bus trips

I find that same gratitude for life in everyday moments too though.  Driving past the ocean with my windows down... holding a friend's child for the first time... reuniting with friends and family after far too long... cooking for someone and then falling asleep in their arms... seeing my students get more confident with each passing day... laughing so hard I can't even breathe... quiet conversations long into the night... watching the sunrise so I can start it all again.

These are the moments that transform an existence into a life.  Chasing them, pursuing happiness, involves an inherent risk.  It is hard to leave one's comfort zone even when it is not a good situation because there is safety and reassurance in the familiar.

I wish with all my heart that you will go ahead and take that leap though.  Life is too short to not experience it to its fullest.  Live and love with the intensity befitting the importance of every single day.

Please.  Cast off whatever has become old and unsatisfying and stagnant.  Break free of the mundane and reinvent a life for yourself that is bold, rich, and vivid.  Give your heart a reason to sing every day.  You are capable of changing so many things for the better.  If your career has become a weight, seek other avenues of employment.  They are out there!  Don't linger in relationships (romantic or otherwise) that bring you unhappiness and negativity.  Find your calling and pursue it with every fiber of your being.  Surround yourself with those who are doing the same.  Live a life of passion and integrity and never care how foolish you may seem to the unknowing.

The future starts today.  Are you ready?

today has seriously been the best day. first of all, my kids are pretty sharp and so they definitely noticed and asked questions when my ring disappeared a few weeks ago. well apparently they took it upon themselves to make sure i had a valentine today, because the above photo is all of the loot they showered me with! i wish i could show you a picture of all the hugs i got today too. i feel so incredibly lucky.

on top of that, i have had several cute and corny phone calls from friends as well as an absolutely fabulous mail day. i have gotten postcards and packages from friends all over the globe including:
--an awesome card and tag from Zh. in canada
--a card and this book of funny stickies from J. in texas
--a postcard from Em. in england
--a goofy card from my mom
--a totally rocking package from V. in new york.

before i explain the last, i just have to tell you that for the last 12 days, i have been doing a raw fruit and vegetable cleanse. it is awesome and i am so completely motivated and focused. i have not cheated a single time, even when at school and surrounded by people eating yummy food. and not even when people have literally tried to force-feed me Thai food (which i wanted SO very, very badly).

today i broke my cleanse and it was 100% worth it. because you see, the last time i was in new york, i got very addicted to this place called City Bakery. and what was in this amazing package that i received today? (besides a cool tshirt and some art and cards and a letter that made me laugh for ten straight minutes).

cookies from City Bakery.

oh.
my.
god.

i mean come on, someone sent me cookies all the way from new york. what was i supposed to do -- ignore them and let them go to waste? puh-lease!

have i mentioned what a lucky girl i am and how awesome my friends are? yeah.
thank you to all of you, and i hope you are having a wonderful day. i know i am, and it's not even over yet!

i got tagged to list 10 weird quirks/habits about myself, so here goes:

1. when i eat a sandwich, both my pinkies stick up in the air. it looks like we are playing table football and i am waiting for you to kick a field goal.
2. i have never tried coffee. i don't even like the smell of it.
3. i can put my thumb completely behind the first joint of my pointer finger. i would show you a picture but it's kind of gross actually.
4. when i was in kindergarten, my mom worked at a law office where they were representing a construction worker who was injured when a port-a-potty blew up. that whole year, i was scared to use the bathroom at school.
5. when i was younger, i thought that if something was "98% fat free" then as long as i left 2% of it behind, i would have not eaten any fat. luckily, my math skills improved with age.
6. i pretty much have a constant soundtrack to my life playing in my head and it is often easier for me to think in song lyrics than my own words.
7. sometimes i dream in cartoon.
7a. my first ever crush was robin hood (disney cartoon version).
7b. gambit and rogue from x-men? still totally hot.
8. i love to cook but my favorite foods are really simple things like burritos, sandwiches, and pizza.
9. i compulsively buy art supplies (especially canvases) but i freeze up about using them. i'm scared of messing them up and wasting them.
10. i've had insomnia since i was 9. also, i don't feel safe falling asleep if my feet aren't under the covers.  this is sometimes problematic during hot Florida summers.

•  
  • ---decide what state I want to move to
  • ---clean out belongings for move (again) -books, clothes, art supplies...
  • ---bake my own bread at least once a month
  • ---clean up garden (harvest lettuce and carrots)
  • ---start taking pictures again
  • ---keep writing. stop being shy about sharing it.
  • ---daily: meditation and prayer
  • ---painting.  really. do it.
  • ---guitar (find someone to help with basics)
  • ---get back on track with Spanish studies (write to S.)
  • ---start planning trips for spring/summer (find out when L's wedding will be)
  • ---maintain honesty and integrity.  be careful with my words.
  • ---go the ocean more before I leave this place.

and a track for today: Murs and Slug - Woman Tonight  (from Felt 2)

this is the garden:colours come and go,
frail azures fluttering from night's outer wing
strong silent greens serenely lingering,
absolute lights like baths of golden snow.
This is the garden:pursed lips do blow
upon cool flutes within wide glooms,and sing
(of harps celestial to the quivering string)
invisible faces hauntingly and slow.

This is the garden. Time shall surely reap
and on Death's blade lie many a flower curled,
in other lands where other songs be sung;
yet stand They here enraptured,as among
The slow deep trees perpetual of sleep
some silver-fingered fountain steals the world.

~e.e. cummings



and two by d.h. lawrence:

Green

The dawn was apple-green,
   The sky was green wine held up in the sun,
The moon was a golden petal between.

She opened her eyes, and green
   They shone, clear like flowers undone
For the first time, now for the first time seen.



Search For Love

Those that go searching for love
only make manifest their own lovelessness,
and the loveless never find love,
only the loving find love,
and they never have to seek for it.

this is where i have learned patience.
this is where i have practiced joy.

alone, hair down and barefoot, uncaring about the stresses of the day.  i have left everything at the door.  my toes touch grass, sun and wind touch skin, and suddenly even the sounds of the highway recede.

here, i relearn tenderness.
here, i revel in excitement.

months ago, seeds were planted one by one.  placed with care in concentric circles and gently watered. whispered and prayed over and then left under the stars with the same emotion a mother feels the first night her child sleeps away from home.  the next morning i wake before my alarm to rush outside, though there is nothing yet to see.  these seeds are waking up but there will be a few sunrises before they yawn and break free of the surface.  the soil is wet with dew though, fragrant and dark, promising richness.  i nod to myself and go inside, satisfied that all is well.

four days later is the start of a new love affair: the first seedling has pushed through, delicate and vivid green.  i only barely resist running my fingers over it, wanting to pluck it up and give it a twirl.  instead i crouch and watch, imaging i can see it growing larger before my very eyes.

the coming days turn into weeks and i am amazed by the growth.  seedlings pop up everywhere, so many that i begin to have to transplant them so that they may have room to spread as wide as they wish.  i battle the heat and humidity to keep them watered and unwilted.  one day i forget, and for a few it is too late.  i take their loss personally and promise to be more vigilant, to check them more than once a day.  i have no right to bring into the world what i cannot take care of.

weeks turn to months.  fall and winter arrive and the lettuce spreads as if grinning to the world.  the cool temperatures suit them well and they want everyone to know it.  today though, the weather is warmer and i know that soon they will wilt.  i ready my basket and knife, excited but also solemn.  harvesting has always been a bittersweet activity for me.

i admit the carrots are my favorite though.  each one is a surprise.  dipping two fingers into the earth, gripping tightly and then pulling upward as the roots give way. i am always excited to see how large each one will be, in awe that something so bright and orange could come from the ground.

i move to the lettuce and cut through the two largest, the ones that need to be eaten soon before they lose their sweetness.  underneath i find my most important lesson: smaller plants that could not reach the sun and instead are wilted and being consumed by ants and spiders.

i have waited too long.  gardening teaches me patience as i wait for seeds to burst forth and reach maturity, but gardening is also about risk and knowing when the time is right.  i can't just watch the plants grow larger and larger; left too long untended, they will eventually go to seed and die, their essence wasted.  it's a balancing act to decide when things have ripened fully and are ready to be enjoyed.

the bounty of this day is much more than a basket of vegetables.

Note: Before I begin, I just want to say that I have had some good church-related experiences.  The photo above was taken in St. John's Cathedral of the Divine in New York City.  A wonderful experience.  I also have been lucky enough to visit several churches in Costa Rica where I truly felt moved.  Yet those experiences had nothing to do with any sermon or congregation and instead were the result of a much more intimate connection that I felt in those moments.

Also, the title of this post is a bit misleading.  I go to church every day.  I just no longer seek out spiritual sanctuary in buildings.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I am not a "good girl" ... and I will not fake it.

I remember being 6 years old and arguing with my mom about going to church.  I didn't want to go, and I most definitely did not want to have to dress up for it.

"I don't want to wear a dress."
"You need to look nice -- you're going into God's house."  She tries again to hand me the dress and I fold my arms, stubborn as ever.
"No."
"Sara."  She sighs.  "Please just put the dress on so we can go."
I lean towards her, whispering as if afraid of being overheard.  "God is everywhere, right?"
"Yes."
"So he can see me right now?  He can see me all the time?"
"That's right.  He's with you all the time."
"Well then he knows how I dress everyday.  If I put on a special outfit to try to look all good and shiny, he'll know it's not really me.  I'll be lying to Him, pretending to be what I'm not."
She sighs again and sets the dress down, just looking at me.  Maybe I've won this one.
From down the hall comes my dad's voice, "What the hell is taking so long?"
I see the look on my mom's face and I quickly reach for the dress.
I wear it that day, but not for God.  I wear it to keep the peace.
I feel dishonest as I sit in church, hoping God will understand and forgive my deception.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Fast forward a decade-plus to the present and not much has changed.  I still don't want to fake it.  Church is a building that could be something amazing if it was filled with the right people, the right energy.  I have yet to find that church though.  Instead, I find fashion hour and the gossip club.  Who's wearing what, who wasn't here last week, who looks hungover, who's having an affair or getting divorced... the sermon and the message becomes an inconvenient period of time between one conversation and the next.  I watch people balance their checkbooks and play with their phone or Blackberry.  I do a little experiment, trying to count how many people are even looking towards the front of the room and seem like they are paying attention.  The result depresses me.  Now here comes the message about fundraising.  They want to build a bigger and better church.  What is wrong with this one?  What else could we do with those funds?  (Good works, perhaps?!?)  I do not stick around afterwards to socialize and eat cake.  I flee through the side exit and find the nearest green space -- my real church.

I am tired of the mold that I will never fit.  Yes, I am pierced and tattooed.  Yes, I drink and I swear.  Yes, I drive too fast and I am not always the peacemaker that I wish to be.  No, I am not perfect (nor will I ever be, nor do I wish to be).  Yes, I have made some poor decisions in my life.  Yes, I am trying to learn from them and live in a better way.  Instead of seeking through large congregations, I am finding my way through more intimate connections.  Conversations with friends, small study groups.  Questioning together and sharing resources as we discover them.  We each make our own paths, helping one another but not attempting to control each other's directions.  Beliefs are meant to be lived every single day, not worn for a few hours a week for the sake of impressing those around us.

I can pretend to be a good girl in the eyes of people who should not be judging me in the first place, or I can live my life knowing the truth that is in my own heart -- what is more honest?
I can spit the truth like a fucking sailor, or I can bullshit my way through life with a silver tongue -- what is more honest?
I can dress up like a good girl and sit in church, or I can go dance at a rave in the pouring rain -- what is more honest?
And most importantly: where am I most likely to touch God?

I find God in my greatest moments of joy and happiness.  Digging in my garden, driving by the ocean, dancing at a concert, connecting with others... this is where I touch divinity.  This is where I know my mom was telling me the truth when she said "He's with you all the time."

I won't lie to God, or myself.  I won't seek in a stone building what I know exists all around me.
I carry my truth within me.  Inseparable.

The Kingdom of God is within you
and all about you,
not in mansions of wood and stone.
Split a piece of wood and I am there,
lift a stone and you will find me.

Everything below is taken from her book, In the Heart of the World.  (Photo by me)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

On Compassion

Be kind in your actions.  Do not think that you are the only one who can do efficient work, work worth showing.  This makes you harsh in your judgment of others who may not have the same talents.  Do your best and trust that others do their best.  And be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.

On Joy

If you are joyful, it will shine in your eyes and in your look, in your conversation and in your contentment.  You will not be able to hide it because joy overflows.

Joy is very contagious.  Try, therefore, to be always overflowing with joy wherever you go.

Joy must be one of the pivots of our life.  It is the token of a generous personality.  Sometimes it is also a mantle that clothes a life of sacrifice and self-giving.  A person who has this gift often reaches high summits.  He or she is like a sun in a community.

We should ask ourselves, "Have I really experienced the joy of loving?"  True love is love that causes us pain, that hurts, and yet brings us joy.  That is why we must pray and ask for the courage to love.

On Generosity

Every act of love is a work of peace, no matter how small.

There are many medicines and cures for all kinds of sick people.  But unless kind hands are given in service and generous hearts are given in love, I do not think there can ever be any cure for the terrible sickness of feeling unloved.

Holiness grows fast where there is kindness.  I have never heard of kind souls going astray.  The world is lost for want of sweetness and kindness.

On Sacrifice

Love, to be real, must cost - it must hurt - it must empty us of self.

Remember the Small Things

Some of my sisters work in Australia.  On a reservation, among the Aborigines, there was an elderly man.  I can assure you that you have never seen a situation as difficult as that poor old man's.  He was completely ignored by everyone.  His home was disordered and dirty.

I told him, "Please, let me clean your house, wash your clothes, and make your bed."  He answered, "I'm okay like this.  Let it be."

I said again, "You will be still better if you allow me to do it."

He finally agreed.  So I was able to clean his house and wash his clothes.  I discovered a beautiful lamp, covered with dust.  Only God knows how many years had passed since he last lit it.

I said to him, "Don't you light your lamp?  Don't you ever use it?"

He answered, "No.  No one comes to see me.  I have no need to light it.  Who would I light it for?"

I asked, "Would you light it every night if the sisters came?"

He replied, "Of course."

From that day on the sisters committed themselves to visiting him every evening.  We cleaned the lamp, and the sisters would light it every evening.

Two years passed.  I had completely forgotten that man.  He sent this message: "Tell my friend that the light she lit in my life continues to shine still."

I thought it was a very small thing.  We often neglect small things.

The Tenderness of God

In Calcutta, we cook for nine thousand people every day.  One day a sister came and said, "Mother, there's nothing to eat, nothing to give the people."  I had no answer.  And then by nine o'clock that morning a truck full of bread came to our house.  The government gives a slice of bread and milk each day to the poor children at school.  But that day - no one in the city knew why - all the schools were closed suddenly.  And all the bread came to Mother Teresa.

See, God closed the schools.  He would not let our people go without food.  And this was the first time in their lives I think, that these people had had such good bread and so much of it.  This way you can see the tenderness of God.

Shine Through Me

The fullness of our heart is expressed in our eyes, in our touch, in what we write, in what we say, in the way we walk, the way we receive, the way we serve.  That is the fullness of our heart expressing itself in many different ways.

Her Space Holiday - Luxury of Loneliness - {mp3}

I'm up and down again
I'm losing all my friends
But it's all right
I'm forcing her to leave
And she's the better half of me
But it's all right
I miss the both of you
So much that I can't move
But it's all right
If you give me a little time
To straighten out my mind
Things will be all right, all right

I want to thank you for our talk
Holding hands while we walked
You made me feel all right
And I wonder how you feel
If it's really no big deal
Is it all right?
You said there's nothing for you to say
It would have happened either way
So it's all right
I think the worst part of it all
You don't know how beautiful you
And that isn't all right
Honey, I know you're hurt
Even if you don't put it into words
I want you to be all right

Now I'm scared of this world
And falling for another girl
But it's all right
This bed gets so damn cold
I hate sleeping here alone
But it's all right
This feeling is well deserved
I've been owed all this hurt
For a long time
If you give me a little time
To straighten out my mind
Things will be all right, all right


*actually that is probably not accurate.
will most likely be doing a big music post later.

My friend Jenny tagged me with one of those memes that is going around:  List seven songs you are into right now, no matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying now.  (Headphones photo by J. Star)

I am a complete music junkie and practically talk/think in lyrics, so narrowing it down to just 7 songs is impossible.  Even narrowing it down to what I am about to post was really hard.  I posted mp3s as well as lyrics (where applicable), plus some of my favorite lines from each.  I don't tag other people so if you want to do this, feel free.  Let me know if you have any problems with any of the links.  Enjoy!

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dani California -- {mp3} -- {lyrics}
I'm listing this first because it is the first song I listen to anytime I am in my car.  That's because it's the first song on my thumb drive that I store all my music on.  Maybe one of these days I should switch up the order? Ha.  Black bandana, sweet Louisiana / robbing on a bank in the state of Indiana / she's a runner, rebel, and a stunner / on her merry way sayin' "Baby, whatcha gonna?" / looking down the barrel of a hot metal .45 / just another way to survive.

JT ft. Rick Ross and Pit Bull - What Goes Around... Comes Around -- {mp3} -- {lyrics}
I decided to get the embarassing tracks out of the way first.  Look, sometimes life is kind of ridiculous and then you find songs that a) fit and b) let you dance about it.  This would be one of them.  I don't care if you make fun of me.  Plus when Pit Bull starts in with that "Mama you know you're the only one" crap, I just can't help but laugh.  It's breaking my heart to watch you run around / 'cause I know that you're living a lie / but that's okay baby 'cause in time you will find / what goes around, goes around, goes around / comes all the way back around.

Nelly Furtado ft. Timbaland - Say It Right [Extended Main Mix] -- {mp3} -- {lyrics}
I'm not even that embarassed about this one.  I love to dance, and if you're not moving by the time you get through the opening 32 beats (4 up, 4 back, x4) of this song -- check your pulse.  I listen to this on the way to work and then spend the rest of the day itching to go out and shake my ass.  I can't say that I don't love the light and the dark / I can't say that I don't know that I am alive / And all of what I feel / I could show you tonight.  Oh, and months later, I am still a sucker for Promiscuous -- {mp3} -- {lyrics}.  How can you not love that sassy, back-and-forth wordplay??

Dead Prez - Mind Sex -- {mp3} -- {lyrics}
I couldn't possibly make this huge music post without throwing some good hip-hop up here for you guys!  This entire album (Let's Get Free - go get it!!) is fucking amazing, but this particular song will always have a special place in my heart because it's just so damned true.  It's like walking the hot sands and finding an oasis / opposites attract - that's the basis / our sex is the wind that separates the yin from the yang / the balance that means complete change.

Blackalicious - Powers -- {mp3} -- {lyrics}
Another solid hip-hop track.  Ladies, if you are having a bad day: listen to this song.  It will be impossible for you to not smile =)  She holds you down but when you need a push / she keeps it honest, she reflects / then she'll force you to look / you dig everything about her / from her head down to her follicles / there's a heaven in her smile / she'll steal your heart like a crook.

The Devil Makes Three - Old No. 7 -- {mp3} -- {lyrics}
I admit it: I am not always in a happy place.  When I am in turmoil, having a hard time, or just generally moping about life, this is the song I listen to.  On repeat.  For hours (or however long it takes for me to get up and go on with my life.)  This is also probably the only song I would ever willingly sing in front of anyone.  Tell me what is it that I should do / when I'm swimming in the liquor only halfway through / so I'm watching as his wings spread as wide as can be / come on now and wrap them around me / cause all I want to do now is fall asleep / come down here and lay next to me.

Wreckless Eric - Whole Wide World -- {mp3} -- {lyrics}
In a complete change of pace from the above song, here is one that makes me stupidly happy.  I don't care how cheesy this song is -- by the time that second chorus starts, I am rocking out and I do not care who can see me.  I get weird looks from people driving next to me and all that makes me do is turn the volume up.  This song is exactly how I feel about love: it doesn't make sense, it will take you to the ends of the Earth, it will be a struggle, it will never be easy.... and most of all, it will be worth it.  A recent film featured this song in a very perfect way and that just cemented my love for it even more.  I'd go the whole wide world / I'd go the whole wide world / just to find her / I'd go the whole wide world / I'd go the whole wide world / to find out where they hide her.

L.S.G. - Westside -- {mp3}
Some techno for ya.  If you don't have this album (Into Deep), just go get it.  Yes, right now.  Really.  It's an old release (1998?) but still so, so good.

DJ Rap - Good to Be Alive -- {mp3} -- {lyrics}
More old-ish techno (Learning Curve, 1999).  I got to see DJ Rap at Ultra a few years ago and I have to say I was disappointed by her live performance.  Regardless, this is still a great track.  It's good to be alive / sometimes I wonder how I survived / and in my mind's eye / when you're low, no one seems to know / a fallen angel tonight / I feel no shame when I'm high / it feels so good must be right / it feels so good inside.  Bonus:  Bad Girl -- {mp3} -- {lyrics}  A thousand reasons why our self-esteem can't stand / a million women let it slip right through their hands / don't show me anger cause your attitudes could change / that glass ceiling should be radically erased / I'm trying to show you that as friends we'd get along / respect my body cause that's where you came from.

M.I.A. - Fire, Fire -- {mp3} -- {lyrics}
Again, go get this album (Arular).  It is awesome.  This is also some of my favorite music to listen to when I am running, especially this song.  Her tracks have so much energy, it's incredible.  You shoulda been good to me / then I wouldn't get so rowdy rowdy / you shoulda kept your eye on me / then I wouldn't get so baddy baddy   ///    Got my own flow, get you to the dance floor / little mama doing the booty rolls / crump clowns got me rootin for the linos.  Bonus: Amazon -- {mp3} -- {lyrics}  Smoking on a Benson / trying to get me undone / let me go - I don't want your attention / under submission / out of frustration - I'll do it / I'll scream for the nation.

Page France - Junkyard -- {mp3} -- {lyrics}
I was pretty sure that "Chariot" would always be my favorite Page France song.  Now I am not so sure.  This one is addictive.  (Though "Chariot" is still really, really good!!)  I was born to lie here patiently / be dragged on by the black star / and you were told to glow majestically / and love until your hands bleed.  (Isn't that just the greatest image too?!?  "Love until your hands bleed.")

Calla - Rise -- {mp3}
This song is new to me (Jenny had it on her original list of 7) but I have already fallen in love with it.  Hard.  This is off their newest album so I couldn't find the lyrics online (sorry).  If I fell / if I rise...    ///     Love don't worry, I can see in your eyes / strength in numbers is a surefire plan / I don't say this to no one else.

Scotland Yard Gospel Choir - Good Kind of Crazy -- {mp3}
I am also lacking lyrics for this one (sorry).  Still a great song though!  Still we all need to be rebels / don't need to be told / drag our feet 'til we wear out the souls.

And I would rather just show you the video for this, one of my favorites: NIN - Perfect Drug.



In closing, you would not believe how long it took me to put this post together. Ridiculous.

Feel free to let me know what you: liked / didn't like / want more of.

I am a lover of letters,
a collector of ciphers.
There are words
that could unlock my heart
in a single utterance.
Look no farther than my own skin
to reveal this hard-sought key
yet search for it in and with light
for the words that burn my flesh
appear only through luminescence.

With wide shoulders
I have received these roles:
moonseeker, sungazer,
rootsharer, peacemaker,
warrior, Valkyrie,
poet, lover, (fool).
The wind helps me bear them,
bursting into bloom under the eye
of the comet - 777 years in coming.
The next instant, smallness arrives
and I am now just one of many
on your strand of worn prayer beads.
A worrystone to temper your breathing
and guide you into your heart.

Trace the lines of my life
with fingers of surefire will.
My secret past is laid bare
on this altar of openness;
stories you will regret hearing
yet you still ask for their telling.
Amazingly, you do not turn away.
Here is the miracle Mirah sang of:
I will speak the truth
and I will survive.