"one more time to find you"

sometime during meditation this morning, i had one of those great "a ha!" epiphany sort of moments.  hours later i am still wearing it on my skin as a smile and a glow.  the realization was this: i am that girl.  i am that girl and there's nothing wrong with that -- in fact, it's great.  by "that girl" i mean the girl that everyone shakes their head at in disbelief because there she goes again, doing something crazy and ridiculous. and for what? love?!?

yeah i'm that girl.  and i always will be.  i'm that girl who gives her heart away, even to people who may not even want it in the first place.  i'm that girl who will drive across 3 states in the middle of the night simply because you say you need me, even though i have to be back at work in 8 hours.  i'm that girl who will skip her last college final because you've never seen a waterfall before and i don't think that's the sort of thing that can wait, diploma be damned.  i'm that girl who will let the whole world, or at least the whole bar, know how much i love you by dancing and singing on a pool table even while you are dying of embarassment.  i'm that girl whose friends know exactly what is going on when i get a phone call and i get that stupid grin on my face, look at them, and simply say "i have to go."  i'm that girl who thinks spending 3 days on a greyhound bus is just another part of the adventure if it means i arrive wherever you are.  i'm that girl who has maxed out credit cards solely on plane tickets and hotel rooms.  i'm that girl who writes love notes like they're going out of style and only sheer force of will can bring them back.  i'm that girl whose mom doesn't even know what to do anymore -- just shakes her head and tells me to "be careful, and call when you get there."

love isn't supposed to be easy.  what would be the point in that?  it's a maze and an adventure all rolled into one.  figuring out the "who" is only half the battle -- getting there is the real trick.  i would go to the ends of the earth if that's what it took.  and i realize too that i'm worth the same in return -- someday there will be someone out there willing to go the distance as well.

in short, i am a jackass for love and there's no such thing as too much, no distance that is too far.  i will revel in ridiculousness until the end of my days.

long live the jackasses.