Pre-nup

No, I am not writing about a Kanye West song.

What I'm talking about is how disposable marriage has gotten in our society -- and the way that we enter the ring now already preparing to get knocked out and laid flat on our backs.  I find this especially true with people who have already been divorced once and are contemplating whether or not they would ever want to give marriage another chance.  We're cynical and guarded, and with good reason since we've obviously been burned once before.

So how do we look to protect ourselves?  With the pre-nup.  That little piece of paper that says, "I had to rebuild my life once before, so... I love you, honey, but if you decide to split you're not getting half of anything."  Some people applaud us for having such common sense but it just makes me really sad.  I know people who have been married for over a decade, but keep property and cars in separate names "just in case."

Love isn't about safety and security.  If you're going to marry someone, you should be absolutely sure.  If there is enough doubt in your mind that you want a pre-nup, then don't get married yet.  It's that simple.

And personally, I'm willing to gamble.  It's all or nothing, baby.  I'll give you my heart, the keys to the house, all the bank account numbers... and see what happens.  Maybe we'll stay together forever and our lives will be that much better for sharing them with one another.  Or maybe I'll come home one day and the locks will be changed, or you'll have bounced to Minnesota.  It's a risk I'm willing to take.

At the same time though, I'm not looking to get burned again.  I'm walking carefully and being picky about who I spend my time with.  I may or may not get married again but I can tell you one thing -- I am NOT getting divorced again.  If someone is crazy/sane enough to get married to me, they better understand that it's for good.

So for those of us who have burned once before, how can we enter into marriage again with any hope that our new spouses won't skip out on us?  How can we take marriage to a higher and more meaningful level -- where "till death do us part" really means forever -- not just a handful of years, or until one of you finds someone better, or you realize you are fans of rival basketball teams?

Well here's my idea, and I know it's going to sound a little crazy... but in the legal system we can waive lots of our rights.  Our right to speedy trial, our right to remain silent, our right to an attorney.  We can even waive our constitutional rights in certain situations, or have them removed for us.

So what if we waived our right to divorce?  That's the only kind of pre-nup I'm interested in -- two people saying before they even get married that they really and truly are in this for good, and they are so committed to each other and their marriage that they are willing to close up all of the loopholes that would allow them to walk out on each other.  I think this would revolutionize the way we approach marriage.

And at that point, who cares whose name is on the house?