Gaia Community: Sara's Blog

out of the woods

http://quietlight.gaia.com — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 13:29:20 GMT

I got a job! Some nice people were silly enough to hire me to teach 7th grade language arts and reading.

This is what we'll be using in place of the Pledge of Allegiance:

Wendell Berry, "Manifesto: Mad Farmer Liberation Front."

Tags: job, poetry, wendell berry

salt

http://quietlight.gaia.com — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 12:51:59 GMT

yesterday i was so happy i cried.
today is looking pretty wonderful too.
dinner party friday to celebrate.
7:30, my place. i'm making lasagna.

you're invited.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

why should we sit by the adige and destroy
anything, even our enemies, even the prey
god caused to glitter for us
defenseless in the sun?
we are not exhausted. we are not angry, or lonely,
or sick at heart.
we are in love lightly, lightly. we know we are shining,
though we cannot see one another.
the wind doesn’t scatter us,
because our very lungs have fallen and drifted
away like leaves down the adige,
long ago.

we breathe light.

(from 'yes, but' by james wright)

Tags: life, happy tears, poetry

help needed

http://quietlight.gaia.com — Sat, 21 Jul 2007 21:54:40 GMT

The Simple Way and the surrounding community needs all the support and help we can muster. Please check out their website if you can. They are a really great group of folks, doing important works. I'm too upset right now to say much more. So just please -- if you can help, help. This breaks my heart.
~Sara

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

6/20/07 11:25PM (UPDATED)

This morning, a 7-alarm fire consumed an abandoned warehouse in our Kensington neighborhood in Philadelphia. The Simple Way Community Center at 3200 Potter Street was destroyed as well as at least eight of our neighbors’ homes. Over 100 people were evacuated from their homes, and 400 families are currently without power. Despite this tragedy, we are incredibly thankful to share that all of our community members and every one of our neighbors is safely out of harm’s way.

This fire will forever change the fabric of our community. Eight families are currently homeless, and in many cases have lost their vehicles as well as their homes. One of our neighbors, the Mahaias Family, lost their three cars as well as the equipment one family member uses for her massage therapy business. Teenager Brian Mahaias is devastated not because he has lost his belongings, but because he fears that this fire will force him to move away from this neighborhood that is his family as well as his home.

The Simple Way has lost a community center that was home to our Yes! And… afterschool program, community arts center, and Cottage Printworks t-shirt micro-business as well as to two of our community members. Community members Shane Claiborne and Jesce Walz have lost all of their belongings, Yes!And…’s after school studio and library were ruined, and community member Justin Donner’s Cottage Printworks equipment and t-shirts were destroyed.

We are thankful that we are able to help each other during this time of need, and we will continue to keep your informed about today’s events.

We have established funds to support the families who have lost their homes, the Yes! And… afterschool program, and the Simple Way community.

These funds have been established through a partner organization, EAPE. Tax-deductible donations can be made at http://tonycampolo.org/simpleway_donation.php. Please make sure to designate “TSW-Kensington Families Fund” or “TSW-Rebuilding Fund”.

-The Simple Way Community

Tags: the simple way, help, fire

look out

http://quietlight.gaia.com — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 12:10:32 GMT

come to the window, look out, and see
the valley turning green in remembrance
of all springs past and to come, the woods
perfecting with immortal patience
the leaves that are the work of all time,
the sycamore whose white limbs shed
the history of a man's life with their old bark,
the river under the morning's breath quivering
like the touched skin of a horse, and you will see
also the shadow cast upon it by fire, the war
that lights its way by burning the earth.

come to your windows, people of the world,
look out at whatever you see wherever you are,
and you will see dancing upon it that shadow.
you will see that your place, wherever it is,
your house, your garden, your shop, your forest, your farm,
bears the shadow of its destruction by war
which is the economy of greed which is plunder
which is the economy of wrath which is fire.
the Lords of War sell the earth to buy fire,
they sell the water and air of life to buy fire.
they are little men grown great by willingness
to drive whatever exists into its perfect absence.
their intention to destroy any place is solidly founded
upon their willingness to destroy every place.

every household of the world is at their mercy,
the households of the farmer and the otter and the owl
are at their mercy. they have no mercy.
having hate, they can have no mercy.
their greed is the hatred of mercy.
their pockets jingle with the small change of the poor.
their power is their willingness to destroy
everything for knowledge which is money
which is power which is victory
which is ashes sown by the wind.

leave your windows and go out, people of the world,
go into the streets, go into the fields, go into the woods
and along the streams. go together, go alone.
say no to the Lords of War which is Money
which is Fire. say no by saying yes
to the air, to the earth, to the trees,
yes to the grasses, to the rivers, to the birds
and the animals and every living thing, yes
to the small houses, yes to the children. Yes.

--from Sabbaths, 2003, Wendell Berry

Tags: sabbaths, wendell berry, poetry

Pre-nup

http://quietlight.gaia.com — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 13:43:42 GMT

No, I am not writing about a Kanye West song.

What I'm talking about is how disposable marriage has gotten in our society -- and the way that we enter the ring now already preparing to get knocked out and laid flat on our backs. I find this especially true with people who have already been divorced once and are contemplating whether or not they would ever want to give marriage another chance. We're cynical and guarded, and with good reason since we've obviously been burned once before.

So how do we look to protect ourselves? With the pre-nup. That little piece of paper that says, "I had to rebuild my life once before, so... I love you, honey, but if you decide to split you're not getting half of anything." Some people applaud us for having such common sense but it just makes me really sad. I know people who have been married for over a decade, but keep property and cars in separate names "just in case."

Love isn't about safety and security. If you're going to marry someone, you should be absolutely sure. If there is enough doubt in your mind that you want a pre-nup, then don't get married yet. It's that simple.

And personally, I'm willing to gamble. It's all or nothing, baby. I'll give you my heart, the keys to the house, all the bank account numbers... and see what happens. Maybe we'll stay together forever and our lives will be that much better for sharing them with one another. Or maybe I'll come home one day and the locks will be changed, or you'll have bounced to Minnesota. It's a risk I'm willing to take.

At the same time though, I'm not looking to get burned again. I'm walking carefully and being picky about who I spend my time with. I may or may not get married again but I can tell you one thing -- I am NOT getting divorced again. If someone is crazy/sane enough to get married to me, they better understand that it's for good.

So for those of us who have burned once before, how can we enter into marriage again with any hope that our new spouses won't skip out on us? How can we take marriage to a higher and more meaningful level -- where "till death do us part" really means forever -- not just a handful of years, or until one of you finds someone better, or you realize you are fans of rival basketball teams?

Well here's my idea, and I know it's going to sound a little crazy... but in the legal system we can waive lots of our rights. Our right to speedy trial, our right to remain silent, our right to an attorney. We can even waive our constitutional rights in certain situations, or have them removed for us.

So what if we waived our right to divorce? That's the only kind of pre-nup I'm interested in -- two people saying before they even get married that they really and truly are in this for good, and they are so committed to each other and their marriage that they are willing to close up all of the loopholes that would allow them to walk out on each other. I think this would revolutionize the way we approach marriage.

And at that point, who cares whose name is on the house?

Tags: marriage, love, pre-nup, divorce, gold diggers need not apply

out of the fire

http://quietlight.gaia.com — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 00:07:58 GMT

"Maybe these trees can teach us something about ourselves. Marie and I and you, we're nothing. We're little snapshots in time, and we'll soon be gone. This grove has burned in huge fires during the past millennia. Redwoods don't die if they burn. A redwood can be burned to a blackened spar, and afterward it goes, 'Wooah,' and just grows back. Look at Kronos. It's been hammered. It's dying. And it's more beautiful than ever. These trees can teach us how we can live. We can be hammered and burned, and we can come back and be more beautiful as we grow."
~Steve Sillett in The Wild Trees. Photo of Sillett by Richard Preston.

Tags: trees, rebirth, growth

changes

http://quietlight.gaia.com — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 19:39:04 GMT

Hello, it's been a while and I'm posting this around to livejournal and myspace and whatnot to explain why (but in a very vague way).

A lot has changed in the last few weeks. The most important thing I've taken away from these changes is that I've stopped trying to make sense of them.

I realize that I am not even in a position to determine whether these changes are good or bad for me, because right now I am too close to them. The overall impact that these changes will have on my life might not even be apparent for several months or even years. It's impossible to see how one event can spark a whole chain of events, or to see why people come in and out of our lives when they do. Things that seem good or bad right now can be viewed in a very different light through that lens called hindsight. I find this most often happens with what we, at the time, deem "unfortunate events" but later end up leading us to much greater happiness. On the other hand, things that seem like blessings at the time can end up resulting in sorrow.

Basically, we can't know what the overarching impact of any one event will be in terms of the entire scope of our lives. One little thing can nudge us onto an entirely new path of existence. I have seen this both in my own life and in the lives of those around me. My mom left her last job feeling like she had lost out on something... but her next endeavor proved to be the best yet and has made her far happier than if she had stayed where she was. My ex-husband ended up joining the military based on a chain of events that began with a car accident and a chance trip to the library. Recently, a friend has re-entered my life who I have missed greatly. When our lives diverged, I was very sad but now I see that this time apart was in fact a great thing and our friendship is better for it -- we both had things to go and learn, and we needed to do these things on our own first.

I guess what I'm saying is: I can't see into the future. I don't know how these things will turn out. It will be a long time before I can look back and say, "Hey, that actually ended up being a good thing" or "Wow, this is exactly how it needed to work out -- everyone ended up where they were supposed to be." I just have to have faith that I will indeed end up where I am supposed to be and that, in the meantime, I have a lot of strength to get me through. And I know where that strength comes from.

Last night I started reading Richard Preston's The Wild Trees. It's about the redwoods, the largest trees in the world. It quiets something in me to read about trees on this continent that are two or three thousand years old. Scientists haven't drilled into their cores to determine exact ages by counting rings because this wouldn't give them the information they need. The reason for this is that the trees have grown so massive and expanded outward so much that they are actually hollow at the center. I wish I could stand in the center of one somehow. I imagine it must be incredibly peaceful.

I feel like the events of the past few weeks have just stripped away even more layers of the superfluous things I have been working to get rid of. It kind of hurts, but I feel like I am being scrubbed clean. I feel a bit like Jilly in Charles de Lint's The Onion Girl -- peeling away, peeling away, and knowing that there is something Good at the core, the heart, the center. And that maybe, like a redwood, I am also growing upward & outward.

Tags: changes, faith, trees

Time

http://quietlight.gaia.com — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 19:38:49 GMT

I do not know how long you stood,
leaning against the gate,
watching as I worked on hands and knees
to tend one more bed of lettuce
before the sun sank from sight.

I do not know how long you waited,
silhouetted against the sky,
before the dogs bounded from the porch
to excitedly greet the man they knew,
though you had never seen them.

I do not know how long I paused,
fingers still in the earth,
as I envisioned how the years had added
soft crinkles and laughlines near your eyes
and scars and calluses on your hands.

I do not know how long we stood,
leaning into one another,
before you smiled into my hair and began
to gently tease me for my meticulousness,
every detail of our home so carefully planned.

I do not know how long I waited,
your name in my mouth,
as I built the foundation and the framework,
planting with quiet faith and patience
the seeds for many happy years.

I do not know how long you journeyed
to slip your hand into mine,
arriving just in time to aid the harvest,
like a spring bird returning from the south,
with your shadow made of sun.

I do not know, and I do not care,
for with your arrival, time has disappeared.

Tags: writing, time, love

mileage

http://quietlight.gaia.com — Wed, 30 May 2007 15:23:08 GMT

psalters

The past week has been long and busy, but very good. It began last Tuesday with a concert I have been looking forward to for a while -- Psalters. Their music is hard to describe but it's awesome. This was my first time seeing them live and it was great; my chest actually hurt because those drums were rattling my heart around so much. They played all of my favorites, including Wayfaring Stranger. More pictures from the show here.

The next morning I headed east to Asheville, North Carolina. My friend Tracy lives there now (I met her a few years ago when we were both living in Florida). I know I'm biased, but I think she pretty much wins for "Cutest Kids Ever." They are absolutely adorable. Of course, I say that about all of my friends' kids. Anyway, we hung out and they showed me the sites and I wandered around Asheville with a very happy Jiana hanging onto my neck. (pictures)

jiana

After North Carolina, I met up with my friends Wendy and Sean in Gainesville who were also travelling around. This was sort of our last shot to hang out for a while because they are moving back to Canada next month. Anyway, they are good people and their kids are -- you guessed it -- adorable. I showed them some of my old stomping grounds plus touristy things like the football stadium. We also took the kids to the park and embarassed them by playing on all the swings and merry-go-rounds ourselves =) (pictures)

My last stop for the day was to recover some quiet for myself. I headed to one of my favorite hideaways -- Baughman Chapel. There is a lake right in the middle of town that is actually part of the university. About six years ago, they built a chapel right on the water's edge. It is *beautiful* -- no, that doesn't even cover it -- it is *stunning.* It's very small and is all wood and glass. The end of the chapel has been left as just a huge arched window that looks out onto the lake and forest. You would never guess that you are in the middle of the city. Anyway, this is one of my favorite places to sneak off to when I need to reconnect. (pictures)

And with that, I'll leave you for now. Oh no, wait, music =) Three songs for your Wednesday:

Sara's Song

Still Hangin' Around

Unique Is My Dove

I hope you are all having wonderful days. Love each other like there's no tomorrow, because you never know.

~Sara

Tags: travels, mileage, love, psalters, g love, matisyahu, quiet, baughman

art party

http://quietlight.gaia.com — Mon, 21 May 2007 15:20:00 GMT

saturday ended up being a perfect sort of day. if you saw me with my friends, you would not believe this... but i am actually very shy and introverted. given the chance, you will find me at home either by myself or with just a close friend or two. nothing wrong with that, but change is good, ya? my mission for the summer then is to work on this and force myself to do things, even when i can't drag other friends with me and have to go by myself. saturday morning i nervously met up with a new friend (introduced by a mutual friend), supposedly just for tea/breakfast/etc. instead we ended up talking for two hours and making plans for future get-togethers.

while i was at the bakery, i saw a poster for an art party going on there that very night. "come hang out and paint." okay, i'm going to make myself go. and i'm really glad i did, because it was awesome. live music, good food, and getting to sling some paint around. a local artist provides all the paint and materials (old, weathered fence boards) in an effort to get people creating. he calls it "folk art revival" and i think it's such a great concept. these parties happen about once a month and i will definitely be going back. it felt so good to paint again, and now that's all i can think about.

i ended my night sitting out on the prairie with two good friends, passing around a beer and a clove, looking up at the sky and telling stories about "way-back-when."

i can already tell it's going to be a really good summer.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

and i'll leave you with your daily dose of music:

the only children - girl with the golden hair

To the girl with golden hair
I know your man, he's a millionaire.
He buy you all them diamond rings
All I have is a song to sing, to you.

Well everybody just wanna get high
Forget that, let's get stoned.
Everybody always looking out for themselves.
They're not me - I'm looking out for you.
I'm looking out for you.

To the girl with golden hair
I know your man, he's a millionaire.
To the girl down by the sea
I swear your man ain't got a thing on me.

Tags: art, painting, friends

"trying to find a balance"

http://quietlight.gaia.com — Fri, 18 May 2007 15:39:34 GMT

yesterday i actually posted music that wasn't hip hop and so now i'm thinking.... back to our regularly scheduled programming =) this is one of my favorite Atmosphere tracks, and they actually have a video for it. enjoy.

Atmosphere - Trying To Find A Balance

"Get real" they tell me
if only they knew how real this life really gets

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“hello ma'am, would you be interested
in some sexual positions and emotional investments?"
see, i'm not insane, in fact i'm kind of rational
when i be asking “ yo where did all the passion go?”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

in the days of kings and queens i was a jester
treat me like a god or they treat me like a leper
you see me move back and forth between both
i'm trying to find a balance,
i'm trying to build a balance

also, can i just say i want to go to Bonnaroo sooooo bad. like incredibly, painfully bad.
but $200? ack. no. ok, maybe. but no. no! be good! be good!

Tags: music, atmosphere, balance

the wings are wide

http://quietlight.gaia.com — Thu, 17 May 2007 16:24:20 GMT

lots going on but not much that i want to say. words are better face to face, when they're not needed anyway. i am restless in a way i can't even really explain; i can feel the changes on the wind -- they are coming soon and i am ready for flight.

here are a few songs that are worth a listen. this is more where i am anyway.

Feist - I Feel It All -- mp3 -- lyrics

Sia - Pictures -- mp3 -- lyrics

i hope you are all well. message me if there is ever anything i can do for you. really.

don't wait for the poetry to come to you.

Tags: music, feist, sia

Thomas Merton

http://quietlight.gaia.com — Wed, 09 May 2007 18:21:07 GMT

I don't want to write about myself today so instead I would like to share part of what I have been reading lately. For those not familiar with him, Thomas Merton was a Trappist monk of the Abbey of Gethsemani in Kentucky. He was an acclaimed theologian, poet, author, and social activist. He was also a proponent of ecumenism and engaged in some fantastic spiritual dialogues with the Dalai Lama and Thich Nhat Hanh. Merton died by accidental electrocution in Bangkok, Thailand, while attending a meeting of religious leaders on 10 December 1968, just 27 years to the day after his entrance into the Abbey of Gethsemani.

Right now I am working through several of his books: Contemplative Prayer, Life and Holiness, No Man is an Island, and Love and Living. I say I am "working through" these books because it is slow going so far. I am an abnormally fast reader; when I look at a novel, I "see" and process three lines of text at a time. With Merton though, I find myself re-reading almost every page, and then returning to the beginning of each essay once I reach the end. I am chewing through the pages slowly but thus far I have found it well worth the effort. The excerpts below are from Love and Living. Any italics or emphasis is his. I would love to post the entire essay, but I don't want to clog up your screen any more than I already have :)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In reality, love is a positive force, a transcendent spiritual power. It is, in fact, the deepest creative power in human nature. Rooted in the biological riches of our inheritance, love flowers spiritually as freedom and as a creature response to life in a perfect encounter with another person. It is a living appreciation of life as value and as gift. It responds to the full richness, the variety, the fecundity of living experience itself: it "knows" the inner mystery of life. It enjoys life as an inexhaustible fortune. Love estimates this fortune in a way that knowledge could never do. Love has its own wisdom, its own science, its own way of exploring the inner depths of life in the mystery of the loved person. Love knows, understands, and meets the demands of life insofar as it responds with warmth, abandon, and surrender.

When people are truly in love, they experience far more than just a mutual need for each other's company and consolation. In their relation with each other they become different people: they are more than their everyday selves, more alive, more understanding, more enduring, and seemingly more endowed. They are made over into new beings. They are transformed by the power of their love.

Love is the revelation of our deepest personal meaning, value, and identity. But this revelation remains impossible as long as we are prisoners of our own egoism. My true meaning and worth are shown to me not in my estimate of myself, but in the eyes of the one who loves me; and that one must love me as I am, with my faults and limitations, revealing to me the truth that these faults and limitations cannot destroy my worth in their eyes; and that I am therefore valuable as a person, in spite of my shortcomings, in spite of the imperfections of my exterior "package." The package is totally unimportant. What matters is this infinitely precious message which I can discover only in my love for another person. And this message, this secret, is not fully revealed to me unless at the same time I am able to see and understand the mysterious and unique worth of the one I love.

This mutual revelation of two persons in their deepest secrets is something entirely private. It is their possession, and it cannot be communicated to anyone else until it is embodied in the child who becomes, as it were, a living word, a physical manifestation of their shared secret. Yet in the person of the child the secret remains a mystery known only to the love of the two who participated in the creative surrender which brought the child into being.

Love, then, is a transforming power of almost mystical intensity which endows the lovers with qualities and capacities they never dreamed they could possess. Where do these qualities come from? From the enhancement of life itself, deepened, intensified, elevated, strengthened, and spiritualized by love. Love is not only a special way of being alive, it is the perfection of life. He who loves is more alive and more real then he was when he did not love.

That is perhaps one of the reasons why love seems dangerous: the lover finds in himself too many new powers, too many new insights. Life looks completely different to him, and all his values change. What seemed worthwhile before has become trivial: what seemed impossible has become easy. When a person is undergoing that kind of inner cataclysm, anything might happen. And thank God, it does happen. The world would not be worth much if it didn't!

Tags: thomas merton, love, living

time to get back to work

http://quietlight.gaia.com — Tue, 01 May 2007 16:01:49 GMT

first, i really just want to show off the spanky new shirt my friend Nicole sent me. she is so crafty and awesome! it's a heart with wings and underneath it says "peace peace peace" in Sanskrit. i feel like that pretty much sums me up lately.

i'm trying to figure out what i want to do with this space, as i have lots of different places that i write (both online and off). listing the things i am grateful for each day is a good exercise, but probably boring for anyone else to read, and i can write them out elsewhere. the only other thing i have up my sleeve at the moment is a long piece about marriage and this idea of "completion" but i don't feel good enough about it yet to post it. so, i don't know, but something new is coming here soon i guess. i would like this to be more interactive somehow. any thoughts are welcome.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

today, as i struggle with long to-do lists, i find myself thinking about my work ethic. it's something that has been coming up in conversation lately. i have friends who tell me that i am the hardest working person they know, and i used to believe this. at 17, i was working three jobs and going to college, and i haven't slowed down a whole lot since. and as i look to the future, i know this needs to continue, i need to get that energy back and keep pushing ahead. i had the chance to go teach English in Japan but after reading about the structure of the program over there, i know it's not for me. the bulk of the day is spent horsing around and playing games, not teaching. a good friend in California summed it up really well when he told me "you've worked too hard and gotten through too much to just settle on some easy job where you don't get to push yourself and use your skills."

all that being said though, i have been peeved at myself lately. i feel like i have been LAZY. i have a head full of ideas, projects, and directions that have had to be put on the back burner while i jump through the necessary hoops (like school, for instance). i really dislike that i have had to give up so much time in order to get through these hoops, because i am so aware of the other things i could be working on. things that i think are ultimately more important, and more beneficial to both myself and others, things more in line with the lifework i should be doing. and also i am bothered by the limitations of my body and my energy. that i have had to slow down sometimes because i am simply too drained to keep pushing forward. even when i am lying still, my head is racing with the knowledge of other things i could/should be doing. i have to honestly budget myself time to relax, so that i can say "hey. you. listen. for the next ___ hours, you aren't doing anything, AND THAT'S OKAY." otherwise i feel guilty and get worked up and the anxiety attacks start to creep back in. my mom is one of the few people who can spot when i am getting close to the edge, and knows how to so easily diffuse me. she grabs both of my hands in one of hers (to stop the tapping and fidgeting) and says "I love you. now STOP." and i breathe out and it's like a hurricane leaving my body.

today i am making an effort to correct some of the things that make me feel lazy. a big one was reconnecting with a good friend and business partner. several years ago, we started a zine and craft distro together and it actually took off and started doing well. i felt like we were actually accomplishing something and other people seemed to take notice as well. the distro was getting written about in books and magazines, things were looking great, and then... life happened. both of our personal lives got too crazy and we had to stop. it's been closed down for over a year now and i was really sad about that. in the past month or so we have renewed our friendship and today we are seriously talking about what it will take to re-open the distro and get it going again. i feel like this is really important for us to do and that it will help to jumpstart some other projects that i have had on the backburner for way too long.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

for such a long time, my heart has known where it was going and what i was supposed to be doing. i feel like it's only just recently though that i have gotten my feet under me enough to really start making those steps. part of my prayer lately is simply "please help me, i'm ready, i'm ready, i'm ready."

Tags: peace, distro, daily gratitude, work ethic

wouldn't let you settle for less

http://quietlight.gaia.com — Tue, 01 May 2007 03:30:35 GMT

-sitting on my porch this morning eating an orange, listening to the highway.
-i got really silly excited today thinking about plants, especially tomatos. oh, and watermelons. and pumpkins, which i've never grown before but really want to.
-old tom petty songs on the radio while i got an oil change.
-little notebooks that help me stay focused in the midst of so much busyness, and to-do lists that shrink and then regrow in the blink of an eye.
-finding some really cheap, CUTE apartments. and did i mention "cheap"? $425 a month for a 1/1 downtown makes me jump up and dance around. oh city, i love thee.
-rocking my last college final and then saying goodbye to some friends.
-driving home with the windows down, smelling the beach, and thinking about the big life changes going on. in a week, so much will have changed, and so much will have stayed the same. with one hand i am closing out some chapters, and with the other i am happily writing new ones.

overall, it is turning out to be a pretty great book.

Tags: daily gratitude

You bless me, never stress me

http://quietlight.gaia.com — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 01:03:39 GMT

trying to get back into posting daily gratitudes...

-new paintings by m. make me smile, knowing there are lights like that out there.
-drove slow over the bridge today to watch the boats and people, splashing about.
-phone calls with j. and j. remind me how fortunate i am to have such wonderful friends.
-b's band played the roseland last night and it went off swimmingly, though i wish i could have been there. grateful for the funny photos i got instead.
-finding renewal in clearing out the old, reorganizing for the journey ahead.
-rethinking my relationships with almost everything/everyone lately. dropped some bad habits before they could get fully formed. no room for that here.
-sudden flash of understanding about hands, mine and others, and who gets to bring them together.
-i finally feel like i am growing tall, in more ways than one.
-falling in love with the possibilities i see stretching out before me, but learning to simply enjoy the unfolding, stop rushing what i have no control over anyway. all i can do is what i can do, and i am already working hard.
-it's been a long year of change for nearly everyone i know; the good news is that the season of emergence is here and we are all coming out of the woods -- scarred, bright, and full of Hope. we recognize our brothers and sisters by the looks in our eyes.
-reading desert fathers, abba benjamin, "be joyful at all times, pray without ceasing, and give thanks for all things."
-lately, i love everything i touch and i find myself smiling without warning.

i give thanks for You.

Tags: daily gratitude

fall.burn.RISE

http://quietlight.gaia.com — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 20:25:16 GMT

the cycle is getting so familiar
that the pain becomes pleasure
in the knowledge of this ripping open;
reconstruction from destruction;
emergence, necessary renewal.
burned down but never burned out.
rising perhaps not with more clarity
(for this is not what is needed)
but always with more faith and trust.

eadem mutata resurgo.

i offer it all up with open hands.
"my life does not belong to me."
my feet will know the way.

"take this scarf -
form an unbroken circle."

Tags: fire

i have the best job in the whole world

http://quietlight.gaia.com — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 15:20:15 GMT

would you believe some of my fellow teachers actually hassle me for being *too* happy?? they give me grief because i am always smiling. (plus i'm that weird girl who is a wiseass and is pierced, tattooed, and does yoga in the teacher's lounge while i'm waiting for all my photocopies to get run off.) but really, why should i not be smiling. I LOVE MY JOB. and how could i not? check out my day yesterday:

some of my girls learning to belly dance

for the last month or so, i have been crazy busy planning this huge Shakespeare Festival for the entire 8th grade to participate in. well, yesterday was the day! we really lucked out with some great weather, everyone who was supposed to show up actually did, almost all of my kids came in their costumes, and no one killed each other or was seriously maimed.

we had TONS of stuff for them to do. first we had a huge parade around the entire school, complete with a drummer and trumpeter. after that we had a medieval feast in the cafeteria (which we got catered, for FREE(!), so none of the kids had to pay).

then we turned them loose for the fun stuff -- 2 hours of freewheeling through the little fair we had set up. we had so many things! we had belly dancers, fortune tellers, an executioner, jugglers, sword fighters, tug-o-war, croquet, archery, water balloons, facepainting, tattoo artists, a bagpiper, jousters, Irish dancers, a world champion arm wrestler, an old-fashioned "ale house" (but not really :P)... and probably a bazillion other things i am forgetting.

i got my fortune told! ;)

anyway, it was a lot of fun and went off (mostly) without a hitch. best of all, we raised over a thousand dollars for a charity that provides transitional housing for homeless children. rock.

after we were done with cleanup, there was nothing to do last period. my kids were playing crazy eights and asked me if i wanted to play. instead, i turned dealer and taught them how to play texas hold 'em. i let them play for homework assignments and extra credit for their next test grade.

i am either the best or worst teacher ever.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

and yes, i already had a visit to the principal's office today. (what am i, 6 years old?)
he's new, we just had a complete administration change.

he proceeded to reprimand me for stuff that went on yesterday:
--dress code violations by girls in fairy costumes (spaghetti straps, corsets, etc)
--allowing gambling ("sir, i don't know what you heard, but there was no *money* involved")
--letting kids participate who had in-school suspension (this was a HUGE part of their grade! they can do ISS tomorrow! i am not going to let a kid flunk just because of that!)

but then he told me:
-all your kids love you, and you have some of the toughest kids in this school
-your fellow teachers have nothing but good things to say about you
-"i've only been here two weeks but i have already heard/seen lots of great stuff from you"
-"i had so much fun at the festival and feast yesterday"
-"part of the reason i came here was because of the ***** program, which i just found out you HELPED DESIGN the very first month you were here."

then he slid some papers across the desk, asked if i had seen a teaching contract before, and offered me a job.

which i politely declined (i'm getting out of here, thanks!).

and then i took the rest of the day off.

The End.

Tags: shakespeare festival, teaching, fun

GRRRRRR

http://quietlight.gaia.com — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 14:22:06 GMT

i am wearing a dress
and i have fucking flowers in my hair.
FLOWERS, people.
if i hear "pretty" or "cute" one more time, i am going to hurt someone.

to quote Mal from Firefly: "this is not my best day ever."

Tags: angst

"listen, wake up, wake up a minute"

http://quietlight.gaia.com — Sun, 15 Apr 2007 19:58:46 GMT

I am officially dead. Cause of death? I broke my neck listening to this:

Talib Kweli "Listen!!!" Video


Friends, Romans, countrymen lend me your ears
Start repenting 'cause the ending is near
But don't panic, you can't function if you living in fear
Pay attention, you gotta listen to hear
Who the fuck you think you talkin' to?
Put you on hold, get a specialist to walk you through
Kweli, the flow captain of fast and slow rappin'
I'm so crackin', you ain't heard, your shit appear like closed captions
King of the bars and I'm goin' hard, pause
All my confidence comes from knowin' God's laws
Bangin' on the system, fightin' my kinda war
Loud as a whisper, quiet as a lion's roar

Also, do yourself a favor and check out one of my other favorite Talib videos: Get By.

If you thought Alanis' parody of "My Humps" was funny, then you need to listen to this:
Jenny Owen Youngs doing a straight up "yeah i'm a white girl" acoustic cover of Nelly's "Hot in Herre." Oh, and her other songs are good too and kind of wreck me, but they're not exactly funny.

I may or may not be around too much over the next few days. I have a lot I should be working on and thinking about, and the computer has become a convenient tool for procrastination. That's why I left so many goodies in my other posts this weekend... to keep you entertained while I'm working. Just kidding =P I'll be back once I tackle some of this other stuff.

Tags: music, talib kweli, jenny owen youngs